Reasons your New Year Goals might be going Downhill

It's been three weeks since the New Year started... And if you decided to do a diet or lifestyle change, you might be feeling a little defeated at this point. That motivation you had January 1st is feeling diminished. All the goals you set are starting to feel heavier. And you might ask yourself, "Can I really do this?". Or you might be feeling guilty, and think, "I should be able to do this, I can't give up again.. Not this year."

If this is you, I want to give you a new perspective.

The issue in and of itself isn't goal setting. The issue isn't trying to make better changes or choices for yourself. The problem isn't setting New Years resolutions either.

Here are 3 reasons why your New Years Lifestyle goals might not be working

1. They don't really align with values.

But we ALL value our health right? Probably to some extent. However, if you are forcing yourself to go run everyday and you HATE running, how is that contributing to your overall happiness and wellbeing? Just to say you run now...?

Values are chosen qualities that are personally important ways of living that can never be obtained. Yes, you read that correctly. They cannot be attained. Goals can be attained, values cannot. The way we live out out values also shift as our lives inevitably shift. The goals we set that are in line with our values have to be flexible to a point.

When we are in line with our values we live a life that feels fulfilling. Health is just ONE value. It's not the end all be all value. I am sure you also have other values such as but not limited to: family, leisure, work, friends, contentment, faith, adventure, contribution, community advocacy, learning, etc. The idea is to be able to work on all the different values in our lives, not pour 100% of our focus on just one value.

PLUS, if you're ignoring all your other values for the sake of one value, you are more likely going to get burnt out. You can only ignore other important areas of your life for so long until your body and your brain starts to feel stress or lack of fulfillment.

We also have to ask WHY we value what we value. Do we feel shame about ourselves? Guilt? A desire to fit in? Are we told we SHOULD value this? Are you wanting acceptance or approval from others? Are you trying to "make up" for shortcomings? Or are these values a desperate plea for love and belonging? Often when it comes to health and wellness goals, we are conditioned by our society to think that green juice, daily exercise and the constant pursuit of thinness is the end all be all to happiness, success, worth, love and belonging. (Hint: its not)

I am not saying green juice and exercise cannot be a part of how you take care of yourself, but finding other ways to engage in wellness is also important. And ask yourself, am I creating a balance of values or only focusing on one? Is this really giving me a sense of fulfillment and purpose in life?

2. Your goals are unrealistic.

One of the most important things you can do when setting goals is to make them realistic. What works for someone else might not work for you, and this is 100% okay. Often we get sucked into the "no excuses" mindset but sometimes there are real barriers that get in the way of accomplishing the goals we have set.

We have to look at how much time we have, what resources are available to us, and our own personal preferences for things. To piggy back on my previous example, lets look at setting the goal of running. For me personally, I do not like to run. Never been a runner. Most likely, never will be a runner. Running is NOT my jam. And if you see me running, check on me because there is a high likelihood that I am running for my life. Another factor to take into consideration, I get way more tired at night and I tend to be busier at night. I also don't have a treadmill OR gym membership so the only place I can run is outside. I also HATE the cold.

So let's apply all of this. Say I set a goal to run 3 miles every evening at 6 pm. What do you think will happen? It will not last long! Not only is the exercise not one that I enjoy, the timing is off, the weather could be a factor, and I might have other things I want to do at night-- such as rest because I VALUE my rest time. Additionally, setting a goal of running 3 miles, when I currently run 0 miles is not realistic, and setting the goal of every day, when I only exercise 2-3x per week is not realistic either.

Ideally values would start small, have a period of time to assess how they are working, and be FLEXIBLE. You want your goals to work for you, as you also work for your goals. Goals should also be values aligned, and something that you see as being sustainable.

3. They are rooted in Diet Culture.

Ahhh good old Diet Culture is always there lurking around every corner, making us feel like we have to constantly shrink our bodies in order to be healthy. Goals rooted in Diet Culture will not last because Diet Culture is constantly changing. Dont eat carbs. Dont eat fats. Dont eat too much sugar. Work out every day. Dont work out every day. Do these work outs only. Take these supplements- fat burners, meal replacements, a pill to make you poop, sleep better, heal your gut. A magic pill for everything! Dont eat processed foods, unless you're eating processed dietary supplements, then those are ok. Only lose weight in your stomach but not your butt. Be rail thin. Not too thin, you look sick. Do a juice cleanse. Wait, juice has too much sugar. Dont do that.

Diet Culture breaks trust with our bodies. It tells us to look outside of ourself rather than inward. We see our body as the enemy and are in a constant fight to prove our bodies are worthy and fight to prove our bodies are acceptable by societies standards.

Keeping up with Diet Culture standards is also exhausting. How much time do you spend measuring your food, weighing yourself, counting your calories, body checking, feeling like you are a failure, hating your body, going to the gym when you want to do something else because you feel guilty for eating the cake...?

Other Diet Culture behaviors and beliefs include: taking before and after pics, being obsessed with being thinner, eating too few calories, cutting out foods that you do not need to cut out (cough cough *carbs* cough cough), not allowing yourself to enjoy foods you like, "no days off" mentality", cheat days, thinking you would be happier if you lost weight, believing you are better for eating certain foods, thinking you are "so bad" for eating higher caloric foods, working out to earn foods or working off foods, etc, etc, etc. I could literally go on forever.

Learn to love your right here, right now body. Dieting fails because dieting sells. Dieting is meant to fail because once it does, the emotional rollercoaster you are on will always bring you back to another diet. The more Diet Culture can make you believe that you are the problem, you failed, and that your body sucks, the more money they make off of you.

I am not saying that you can't make wellness goals, however these goals need to be in line with YOUR values, not someone else's. Think about why you are making these goals, if they are realistic, and if you are chasing a standard that will literally change in the next few years. You can also prioritize other wellness goals such as increasing sleep, being more present with yourself, setting boundaries, de-stressing, going outside more, listening to music, journaling, cooking more, drinking more water, and other things that aren't as rigid.

Food for thought:

• Be in consistent evaluation of your goals and be willing to shift and change as life changes. This will lead to psychological flexibility and you'll find yourself being less harsh and more validating of your circumstances.

• Keep in mind that real sustainable change happens over the course of time, and not in one week, one month, or even one year. Zoom out! One missed day or week isn't the end all be all. Life happens.

• And lastly, remember that you are only human. Practice compassion with yourself. Give yourself space and grace to work through life and its hardships. Celebrate your wins, big or small. You don't have to accomplish it all right now. You can give yourself the time you need, and that amount of time will be different that others. Free yourself from the comparison of other people. Love and trust your journey. Take breaks as needed.